The Atlantic was born today, and I'll tell you how.
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Saturday, May 11, 2013
Hello world, if anyone still reads this space anymore.
So much has happened in my life over the past 3 months, things both happy and sad but ultimately I thank God for everything that has happened thus far because I know that things happen for a reason and things haven't been so bad after all.
The end of year 1 in NUS feels strange, like I can't believe the first quarter of my uni life is over. Things pass so fast, time passes so quickly, and people grow old/up so fast. I feel like, if there's one thing I'm satisfied about in my NUS life thus far, it's CSS and the community that God has brought me to. You, you, you, you, you, you and you and many other people who will remain unnamed because it's awkward if people find their names on my blog or if anyone reads this. Anyway I really really feel like I've found my people at CSS and geez I'm so happy :') People who share my hippie-ness and quirkiness and INFP-ness, different forms of myself but with the same tendencies which the world doesn't understand but that doesn't matter because we know who we are and we're happy. I think we're all soulmates in one way or another and I guess I've come to realise that while the wait for my ultimate soulmate is long and arduous (but totally worth it), meanwhile there are many other miniature forms of my soulmate whom I can partake in life's awesomeness and mysteries with. And boy do I feel blessed, I've never met so many people who can connect with my old hippie soul up until now :')
Losing a family member for the first time in my life has been rough for the family but things could have been a lot rougher, and I'm thankful that overall the whole thing was peaceful and filled with love. I think the funeral was a really sad but a really nice and meaningful event, and I think for once in a really long time I felt really really thankful for family. Memories like these, poignant or not, will remain etched in my mind forever and it is memories like these which make me who I am as a person.
In slightly over a weeks' time I am leaving for London and then to France and I'm gonna be away from Singapore for more than a month. My hippie explorer travel dreams are taking off this summer and I'm both psyched and nervous. I guess it's time to test whether I'll really be able to survive exchange/post-grad/traveling the world alone. My 3-week home-stay with a French family is gonna be brilliant, I hope. And I'll have all the time in the world to explore and discover Montpellier - a new town, a new language, a new culture, a new family, a new home for 3 weeks. I think it's time I discovered myself amidst the beauty of French culture and French history and French language and French food. And churches omg churches. Really excited to travel France with the family too. And London, oh London my dream study place. My London dream currently doesn't seem so bright what with the people I'm visiting London with. But thank god for CSS people who happen to be in London around the same time as I am and who are willing to bring me around with their indie London knowledge gathered during exchange (And CSS friends save the day!).
All these places I'm traveling to, London and Paris, I wish I could save for you, my (non-existent) soulmate. I would like to save all these places I'm visiting for the first time for my soulmate but oh well the world is a much bigger concept and I'm saving the world for my soulmate :-) The places my soulmate and I could travel and explore together, ah.
I am hereby excited for summer and the good things that are gonna come my way like travel and dreams and soulmates :-)
Oh yes I'm also gonna be watching Benjamin Francis Leftwich in London aaaaahhhhh so friggin' excited my first $40 London concert!
So much has happened in my life over the past 3 months, things both happy and sad but ultimately I thank God for everything that has happened thus far because I know that things happen for a reason and things haven't been so bad after all.
The end of year 1 in NUS feels strange, like I can't believe the first quarter of my uni life is over. Things pass so fast, time passes so quickly, and people grow old/up so fast. I feel like, if there's one thing I'm satisfied about in my NUS life thus far, it's CSS and the community that God has brought me to. You, you, you, you, you, you and you and many other people who will remain unnamed because it's awkward if people find their names on my blog or if anyone reads this. Anyway I really really feel like I've found my people at CSS and geez I'm so happy :') People who share my hippie-ness and quirkiness and INFP-ness, different forms of myself but with the same tendencies which the world doesn't understand but that doesn't matter because we know who we are and we're happy. I think we're all soulmates in one way or another and I guess I've come to realise that while the wait for my ultimate soulmate is long and arduous (but totally worth it), meanwhile there are many other miniature forms of my soulmate whom I can partake in life's awesomeness and mysteries with. And boy do I feel blessed, I've never met so many people who can connect with my old hippie soul up until now :')
Losing a family member for the first time in my life has been rough for the family but things could have been a lot rougher, and I'm thankful that overall the whole thing was peaceful and filled with love. I think the funeral was a really sad but a really nice and meaningful event, and I think for once in a really long time I felt really really thankful for family. Memories like these, poignant or not, will remain etched in my mind forever and it is memories like these which make me who I am as a person.
In slightly over a weeks' time I am leaving for London and then to France and I'm gonna be away from Singapore for more than a month. My hippie explorer travel dreams are taking off this summer and I'm both psyched and nervous. I guess it's time to test whether I'll really be able to survive exchange/post-grad/traveling the world alone. My 3-week home-stay with a French family is gonna be brilliant, I hope. And I'll have all the time in the world to explore and discover Montpellier - a new town, a new language, a new culture, a new family, a new home for 3 weeks. I think it's time I discovered myself amidst the beauty of French culture and French history and French language and French food. And churches omg churches. Really excited to travel France with the family too. And London, oh London my dream study place. My London dream currently doesn't seem so bright what with the people I'm visiting London with. But thank god for CSS people who happen to be in London around the same time as I am and who are willing to bring me around with their indie London knowledge gathered during exchange (And CSS friends save the day!).
All these places I'm traveling to, London and Paris, I wish I could save for you, my (non-existent) soulmate. I would like to save all these places I'm visiting for the first time for my soulmate but oh well the world is a much bigger concept and I'm saving the world for my soulmate :-) The places my soulmate and I could travel and explore together, ah.
I am hereby excited for summer and the good things that are gonna come my way like travel and dreams and soulmates :-)
Oh yes I'm also gonna be watching Benjamin Francis Leftwich in London aaaaahhhhh so friggin' excited my first $40 London concert!
10:36 PM;
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
I think as much as I like the idea of finding my soulmate and my one true love - to talk to, to travel with, to share music and attend concerts with, to explore places with, to eat with, to watch movies/tv shows with, to lean on, to hug me when I'm sad or scared or whenever I need a hug - yuxxxxxxx I could never have a boyfriend or be in a relationship. "Please God, don't make me fall in love and want to do disgusting things". No matter how much I pine and whine about being forever alone, and as much as I hate to admit this, I guess my head (or maybe my heart) still tells me that soulmates and true loves and love at first sight are stuff of movies, ideals I dream up in my head. Or maybe it's just the fact that I've internalised this "forever alone" thing, believing myself to be too weird and too different such that no one could ever be like me or be able to connect with me.
But I think the main reason why I could never be in a relationship with anyone is because of all my sense of unworthiness. Ack, I'm so broken and I've been carefully piecing myself back together externally and I'm so untrusting of people that I could never let anyone get close to me and find out all my brokenness, the things I've tried to hide. It's like I've been wearing a mask for so long to hide my ugly face and anyone who comes close, close enough to remove my mask will discover all the ugliness and charred pieces that make up the real me under my exterior. Said person who's discovered my true self would run off screaming, leaving me more heartbroken and therefore to protect myself I push people away and never let them get close to me. It's the same for friends though. But the idea of boys and boyfriends is worse. Yuxxxxxx, boys. Also, I never want to have kids, no matter how much I dream of the perfect wedding in the Caribbean and a honeymoon in the lovely Grecian islands. What a joke, the only reasons I think up these dreams is because I want to travel and I'm a romantic. But boyfriends and marriage and children yuxxxxxxxxx.
All I wanna do is be a hippie and travel the world with my hippie troupe. No strings attached there. Peace out. (Recent events have traumatised me. Deep down, I am still searching for my soulmate and my true love. Which might only exist in fiction eg. JGL in 500 Days of Summer)
But I think the main reason why I could never be in a relationship with anyone is because of all my sense of unworthiness. Ack, I'm so broken and I've been carefully piecing myself back together externally and I'm so untrusting of people that I could never let anyone get close to me and find out all my brokenness, the things I've tried to hide. It's like I've been wearing a mask for so long to hide my ugly face and anyone who comes close, close enough to remove my mask will discover all the ugliness and charred pieces that make up the real me under my exterior. Said person who's discovered my true self would run off screaming, leaving me more heartbroken and therefore to protect myself I push people away and never let them get close to me. It's the same for friends though. But the idea of boys and boyfriends is worse. Yuxxxxxx, boys. Also, I never want to have kids, no matter how much I dream of the perfect wedding in the Caribbean and a honeymoon in the lovely Grecian islands. What a joke, the only reasons I think up these dreams is because I want to travel and I'm a romantic. But boyfriends and marriage and children yuxxxxxxxxx.
All I wanna do is be a hippie and travel the world with my hippie troupe. No strings attached there. Peace out. (Recent events have traumatised me. Deep down, I am still searching for my soulmate and my true love. Which might only exist in fiction eg. JGL in 500 Days of Summer)
12:34 AM;
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Last tuesday, Stars finally came back to Singapore and performed at the Kallang Theatre. I feel like I'd been waiting for this moment my whole darn life - watching one my favourite bands ever, singing all my favourite songs like Your Ex-Lover Is Dead, Calendar Girl, Ageless Beauty, One More Night, Bitches In Tokyo, Take Me To The Riot, Midnight Coward, What the Snowman Learned About Love, Elevator Love Letter, Heart, Look Up, On Peak Hill, Tonight, This Charming Man - the songs that slowly initiated me into the planet of Stars and the larger world of indie music. Obviously, as always, I dreamt of the perfect setlist and the perfect concert (with a cool crowd of people who loved Stars as I much do, singing along to Amy and Torq) and was let down again. Boy, do I never learn my lesson. The sound system at Kallang Theatre was off, the girls behind me only knew songs off the latest 2 Stars albums and were shouting to those songs (I wanted so much to slap them), the crowd admittedly wasn't that great - the turn-out was low at least on the stage level and the atmosphere wasn't great at all.
Here's the setlist:
The Theory of Relativity
Fixed
A Song is a Weapon
Ageless Beauty (!!!!! Was really happy when they finally burst into an old song I loved and knew so well)
The North
We Don't Want Your Body
Midnight Coward (!!!!!!!)
Progress
Your Ex-Lover Is Dead (!!!!!! All the times that this song got me through, you have no idea. Good or bad, happy or sad. O Levels and A Levels and writing "Live through this and you won't look back" all over my books and notes and even stuck onto my room wall before J2 prelims. I was really really upset that they didn't sing this part at the end, but hearing the song live was still so surreal. I think this song converted everyone into full-time Stars fans)
Backlines
Do You Want To Die Together
Soft Revolution
Changes
Dead Hearts
Elevator Love Letter (!!!!!!!! Was really really happy when they burst into this; I'd just posted this video on facebook the night before the concert cos I love this song so much and I totally wasn't expecting them to play this)
Heart (!!!!!)
Hold On When You Get Love and Let Go When You Give It
Take Me To The Riot (!!!!!)
Walls
My Favourite Book (I wasn't that psyched when Amy started singing this but I think it was one of the more memorable parts of the night)
On Peak Hill (!!!!!!!! Never in a million years would I have thought that I'd hear this song live. Hands down the best song off Nightsongs, hands down the song that fewest people knew at the concert)
One More Night (!!!!!! Again never would I have thought that I'd hear this song live. This song is so fucked up lyric-wise but I really like the beat of this song and always wanted to learn it on drums)
The 400
You can probably tell from all the exclamation marks how excited I was when Stars started playing their old songs, the songs I knew by heart. Everything without exclamations were mehhhhh, especially the songs off their latest album because I don't like a single tune off it. Call me someone who lives in the past, but I don't think their new album is Stars-worthy. I'd have really loved to hear Calendar Girl (apparently it was listed on the setlist but they didn't play it wtfffff) and Bitches In Tokyo (always dreamt of hearing this live and always wanted to learn it on the drums too) but oh well. Stars is Stars and I'll forever love them, starting from the day that I became an indie convert. Stars and Death Cab were the first 2 bands who really initiated me into indie music and so I'm really glad that I've watched these two bands live :) I love Amy Millan so much, and also Torq and the drummer was cool cos he was dressed like this '90s white boy rapper. Aaaaahhh so much love for them, I wish I'd gotten their autographs and a photo with them but alas. Reality defeats my hopes and wishes yet again.
Last night I finally checked out Carpenter and Cook!!!!! The moment I went in, I heard The Drums playing on the stereo!!!!! Instant fall-in-love-with-the-place moment. Many songs from The Drums and also Cults and Best Coast, the place is so indie I would very much like to come here and study everyday. I really like how near this place is to my home, cool spots in my area are rare. Another thing that's rare nowadays is good conversations with people. I think I'm bored with my life and I cannot wait to travel and see the world and meet new people and strike up good conversations with cool strangers. India and Vietnam and Paris/Montmartre and London/Manchester/Brighton and Rome/Venice and Barcelona and Athens/Santorini/every Greek island and small Greek town, Prague, San Fran/Brooklyn/Boston/Louisiana, Istanbul (!!!), Melbourne and all its cafes.... Peace out.
Here's the setlist:
The Theory of Relativity
Fixed
A Song is a Weapon
Ageless Beauty (!!!!! Was really happy when they finally burst into an old song I loved and knew so well)
The North
We Don't Want Your Body
Midnight Coward (!!!!!!!)
Progress
Your Ex-Lover Is Dead (!!!!!! All the times that this song got me through, you have no idea. Good or bad, happy or sad. O Levels and A Levels and writing "Live through this and you won't look back" all over my books and notes and even stuck onto my room wall before J2 prelims. I was really really upset that they didn't sing this part at the end, but hearing the song live was still so surreal. I think this song converted everyone into full-time Stars fans)
Backlines
Do You Want To Die Together
Soft Revolution
Changes
Dead Hearts
Elevator Love Letter (!!!!!!!! Was really really happy when they burst into this; I'd just posted this video on facebook the night before the concert cos I love this song so much and I totally wasn't expecting them to play this)
Heart (!!!!!)
Hold On When You Get Love and Let Go When You Give It
Take Me To The Riot (!!!!!)
Walls
My Favourite Book (I wasn't that psyched when Amy started singing this but I think it was one of the more memorable parts of the night)
On Peak Hill (!!!!!!!! Never in a million years would I have thought that I'd hear this song live. Hands down the best song off Nightsongs, hands down the song that fewest people knew at the concert)
One More Night (!!!!!! Again never would I have thought that I'd hear this song live. This song is so fucked up lyric-wise but I really like the beat of this song and always wanted to learn it on drums)
The 400
You can probably tell from all the exclamation marks how excited I was when Stars started playing their old songs, the songs I knew by heart. Everything without exclamations were mehhhhh, especially the songs off their latest album because I don't like a single tune off it. Call me someone who lives in the past, but I don't think their new album is Stars-worthy. I'd have really loved to hear Calendar Girl (apparently it was listed on the setlist but they didn't play it wtfffff) and Bitches In Tokyo (always dreamt of hearing this live and always wanted to learn it on the drums too) but oh well. Stars is Stars and I'll forever love them, starting from the day that I became an indie convert. Stars and Death Cab were the first 2 bands who really initiated me into indie music and so I'm really glad that I've watched these two bands live :) I love Amy Millan so much, and also Torq and the drummer was cool cos he was dressed like this '90s white boy rapper. Aaaaahhh so much love for them, I wish I'd gotten their autographs and a photo with them but alas. Reality defeats my hopes and wishes yet again.
Last night I finally checked out Carpenter and Cook!!!!! The moment I went in, I heard The Drums playing on the stereo!!!!! Instant fall-in-love-with-the-place moment. Many songs from The Drums and also Cults and Best Coast, the place is so indie I would very much like to come here and study everyday. I really like how near this place is to my home, cool spots in my area are rare. Another thing that's rare nowadays is good conversations with people. I think I'm bored with my life and I cannot wait to travel and see the world and meet new people and strike up good conversations with cool strangers. India and Vietnam and Paris/Montmartre and London/Manchester/Brighton and Rome/Venice and Barcelona and Athens/Santorini/every Greek island and small Greek town, Prague, San Fran/Brooklyn/Boston/Louisiana, Istanbul (!!!), Melbourne and all its cafes.... Peace out.
1:52 AM;
Thursday, February 07, 2013
Hi, this will be brief seeing as how this is a school night and I have school tomorrow. But for now I have so much to say.
I turned 20 yesterday. And for a brief moment I felt old. Because I'm done with 2 decades of my life. Which is more than many people can say. But then I thought about it and I realised that I also felt hopeful. Because I'm at the prime of my life and the world is my oyster. I am free to choose my own path and embark on the adventure of a lifetime from here on now. I also felt loved, for the first time in a while. It's like, birthdays are YOUR days, when people come together and remember you; they wish you happy birthday and they make you feel special, sometimes they get you a present or a cake. And I guess at the end of the day, I'm really a person who likes attention. And God knows that I'm not exactly one who gets attention, because I am shy and introverted and a wallflower. So yeah, it's nice to get attention once a year. I'm thankful for old friends who never fail to wish me a happy birthday, I'm thankful for new friends who wished me a happy birthday for the first time (I am really really grateful for the friends I've made in uni - through CSS or through random classes), I'm thankful for family, I'm thankful for God, I'm thankful for my jc history teacher who still keeps my mobile number and bothered to text me (even though it's been more than a year since I graduated). I am also thankful for good music and good food and wanderlust.
At midnight on the 5th of february, I was listening to Death Cab concert videos on Youtube and realised that at midnight a year before, I was listening to Death Cab as I turned 19 too. Some things don't change. I'm glad I don't.
Today, a girl I'm not the closest of friends with told me that I should major in Southeast Asian Studies because I seem like the type of person who does what other people don't do. And although I replied with a stupid "Really????", inside I was all beaming and proud of myself. I like it when people, especially those who don't know me well, tell me things like "You seem like an indie (music) person" or "You have the hippie vibe". This is me guys, this is who I wanna be and if this is the identity that people associate me with then I'm really really glad. I guess if I died anytime soon, I'll be happy about at least accomplishing this, this identity, in my lifetime.
One and a half weeks ago, I experienced my first ever Laneway/music festival experience. I guess the most memorable part would be how I got really really sunburnt, the most sunburnt I'd ever been in my life, the most sunburnt anyone could ever get. I was red and hurting for a week and this week, my skin finally turned tan and started peeling. It was really really embarrassing walking around school and having everyone stare at you. But whilst being judged by others, I was also judging people with a "Omg why is there no other fellow sunburnt Laneway homie, people in school are so boring" attitude. Sunburn aside, Laneway wasn't exactly the best experience. We were late for Laneway and since the motherfreakin' organisers put KoC as the opening act, I was motherfreakin' late for KoC. And the motherfreakin' organisers didn't even organise the entrances very well, causing everyone to be late for KoC. Boy, was I mad and still am mad about it. Still, I managed to catch a bit of Eirik and my soulmate Erlend Øye. It could never match up to their 2010 concert though. I don't know what went wrong but amidst seeing one of my favourite bands playing on stage, I couldn't really pay attention to their performance? Maybe it was the traumatic experience of being late for KoC, or the distracting environment of Laneway. Whatever it was, I definitely felt like I wasn't watching one of my favourite bands for the 2nd time in my life and I was really really disappointed - by them, by Laneway, by myself. That said, I have so so so much love for Erlend and Eirik that I definitely need to watch them for a 3rd time (I can't believe I'm saying that I need to watch a band for the 3rd time because before Laneway, I'd never watched any band live for more than once). Another thing I was disappointed about is that now that everyone's seen Erlend's amazing dance moves, everyone else is now crushing on him UGH MAJOR ANNOYANCE I LIKED HIM FIRST.
Anyway, the other band I was really really psyched about was Of Monsters and Men but their set was too short and they didn't play Sloom :-( Hello, Of Monsters and Men, hurry come to Singapore to do a full concert thanks. Hello, Kings of Convenience, hurry come back to Singapore and perform a full concert at Esplanade for your loyal fans, thanks. As disappointed as I was with Laneway, I am semi-hopeful for Stars. Hopeful because I'm about to watch another one of my favourite bands ever!!!!!!!!!!! But the enthusiasm stops right there because they definitely will be playing a lot of their new material and not enough of their old stuff which I absolutely love and have held a lot of meaning for me over the past few years. But oh, seeing Amy and Torquil!!!!! The problem with me is that I always get excited for concerts, especially those of my favourite bands/singers, then dream of the perfect setlist, then get disappointed by the concert. Sighpie.
I have so much more to say, about school, about life. But it's 1am anddddddd I need to sleep so bonne nuit, tout le monde.
I turned 20 yesterday. And for a brief moment I felt old. Because I'm done with 2 decades of my life. Which is more than many people can say. But then I thought about it and I realised that I also felt hopeful. Because I'm at the prime of my life and the world is my oyster. I am free to choose my own path and embark on the adventure of a lifetime from here on now. I also felt loved, for the first time in a while. It's like, birthdays are YOUR days, when people come together and remember you; they wish you happy birthday and they make you feel special, sometimes they get you a present or a cake. And I guess at the end of the day, I'm really a person who likes attention. And God knows that I'm not exactly one who gets attention, because I am shy and introverted and a wallflower. So yeah, it's nice to get attention once a year. I'm thankful for old friends who never fail to wish me a happy birthday, I'm thankful for new friends who wished me a happy birthday for the first time (I am really really grateful for the friends I've made in uni - through CSS or through random classes), I'm thankful for family, I'm thankful for God, I'm thankful for my jc history teacher who still keeps my mobile number and bothered to text me (even though it's been more than a year since I graduated). I am also thankful for good music and good food and wanderlust.
At midnight on the 5th of february, I was listening to Death Cab concert videos on Youtube and realised that at midnight a year before, I was listening to Death Cab as I turned 19 too. Some things don't change. I'm glad I don't.
Today, a girl I'm not the closest of friends with told me that I should major in Southeast Asian Studies because I seem like the type of person who does what other people don't do. And although I replied with a stupid "Really????", inside I was all beaming and proud of myself. I like it when people, especially those who don't know me well, tell me things like "You seem like an indie (music) person" or "You have the hippie vibe". This is me guys, this is who I wanna be and if this is the identity that people associate me with then I'm really really glad. I guess if I died anytime soon, I'll be happy about at least accomplishing this, this identity, in my lifetime.
One and a half weeks ago, I experienced my first ever Laneway/music festival experience. I guess the most memorable part would be how I got really really sunburnt, the most sunburnt I'd ever been in my life, the most sunburnt anyone could ever get. I was red and hurting for a week and this week, my skin finally turned tan and started peeling. It was really really embarrassing walking around school and having everyone stare at you. But whilst being judged by others, I was also judging people with a "Omg why is there no other fellow sunburnt Laneway homie, people in school are so boring" attitude. Sunburn aside, Laneway wasn't exactly the best experience. We were late for Laneway and since the motherfreakin' organisers put KoC as the opening act, I was motherfreakin' late for KoC. And the motherfreakin' organisers didn't even organise the entrances very well, causing everyone to be late for KoC. Boy, was I mad and still am mad about it. Still, I managed to catch a bit of Eirik and my soulmate Erlend Øye. It could never match up to their 2010 concert though. I don't know what went wrong but amidst seeing one of my favourite bands playing on stage, I couldn't really pay attention to their performance? Maybe it was the traumatic experience of being late for KoC, or the distracting environment of Laneway. Whatever it was, I definitely felt like I wasn't watching one of my favourite bands for the 2nd time in my life and I was really really disappointed - by them, by Laneway, by myself. That said, I have so so so much love for Erlend and Eirik that I definitely need to watch them for a 3rd time (I can't believe I'm saying that I need to watch a band for the 3rd time because before Laneway, I'd never watched any band live for more than once). Another thing I was disappointed about is that now that everyone's seen Erlend's amazing dance moves, everyone else is now crushing on him UGH MAJOR ANNOYANCE I LIKED HIM FIRST.
Anyway, the other band I was really really psyched about was Of Monsters and Men but their set was too short and they didn't play Sloom :-( Hello, Of Monsters and Men, hurry come to Singapore to do a full concert thanks. Hello, Kings of Convenience, hurry come back to Singapore and perform a full concert at Esplanade for your loyal fans, thanks. As disappointed as I was with Laneway, I am semi-hopeful for Stars. Hopeful because I'm about to watch another one of my favourite bands ever!!!!!!!!!!! But the enthusiasm stops right there because they definitely will be playing a lot of their new material and not enough of their old stuff which I absolutely love and have held a lot of meaning for me over the past few years. But oh, seeing Amy and Torquil!!!!! The problem with me is that I always get excited for concerts, especially those of my favourite bands/singers, then dream of the perfect setlist, then get disappointed by the concert. Sighpie.
I have so much more to say, about school, about life. But it's 1am anddddddd I need to sleep so bonne nuit, tout le monde.
1:06 AM;
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Every december, I get sad at the thought that I'm missing out on yet another winter I could have spent in Europe. Snow and winter wonderlands, Christmas markets and Christmas foods, hot chocolate by a fireplace, trench coats and thick sweaters and Christmas jumpers, Europe and Europe in winter and the warm and fuzzy feeling of Christmas and snow. If you know me or have been reading my blog long enough, you know that I'll always be dreaming of Europe. Europe in winter, Europe in spring, Europe always. I'm also telling you now that the most magical moment that I dream of each year is Christmas. Christmas food and Christmas presents and Christmas carols and Christmas love. Sadly, reality sucks and Singapore sucks and maybe my life sucks but I never come close to getting a magical Christmas each year in all physicality. So I dream of a White Christmas spent in Europe, away from life, away from home. And I could go on whining about how my life sucks, how Singapore sucks, how I didn't get to apply for Anthro in UK and escape to Europe - the place of my dreams.
But then today it struck me that I've sorta come to terms with where I am, and this probably stems from my conviction that God has a plan or a path for me, and that everything happens for a reason. I entered AC even though I was certain that I would end up in CJ like almost every other IJ girl. And it was there that I grew up, saw the world from new perspectives, fell in love with History which made me fall in love more deeply with Anthro - which doesn't make sense to any normal person perhaps, but the way I see it, History is so closely intertwined with Anthro and you can't separate the two and I don't know how you could love Anthro if you didn't have some interest in History in the first place. So in the same way that I believe that AC was good for me, I believe that NUS is a good place for me too even though I might not know it yet. Maybe, just maybe, albeit a very big maybe, I'm in NUS instead of some university in UK studying Anthro right now to fall in love with Southeast Asia and find greater things and greater places and greater people.
All this is coming from the realisation that I could re-apply for Yale-NUS but somehow don't really want to. Maybe it's the laziness in me that's rejecting a university application, I don't know. Maybe it stems from the rejection I received from the inaugural round of applications. Maybe it's because I've settled down in NUS, and while I haven't exactly "settled down" and figured out what to do or major in yet, I've gotten into the rhythm of NUS life and I've managed to do decently for my first ever uni exams. And while I don't exactly love NUS as of yet, I'm not sure that I'd love Yale-NUS either. Sure, I'd be able to finally freaking major in Anthro but I don't think I'd be comfortable taking part in intellectual debates with intellectual people I don't match up to. Of course, this is totally assuming I even get in which I probably don't stand a chance of given my lack of an interesting and holistic life led thus far. I think I will very much regret not re-applying to Yale-NUS later on in life, seeing how my secret desire has always been a liberal arts education. But for now I'm feeling icky about compulsory science courses and being stuck with Singaporean students whom I've spent my whole life wishing were fascinating hippie wannabes instead.
Anyway, although this post didn't start out to be a sad and whiny "I suck at life, life sucks" post, I hafta admit that I'm not quite exactly looking forward to the start of school next week. Whatever desire I had of university starting in July/August last year had quickly dissipated after 1st sem began because I wasn't in love with anything. Sure, I liked French and my Anthro module but I wasn't quite in love with them and everything else, for lack of a better word, sucked. Hopefully, hopefully, hopefully, I get great modules this sem (I highly suspect that Level 1000 modules are no-brainers and therefore greatly disappointed me last sem) and fall in love with something. Possibly, very possibly, Southeast Asian Studies. I will hope and pray that sem 2 will bring greater things. Already, there's a new bookstore and a Cedele and Sakae Sushi to look forward to amidst the start of school ennui.
I am also hopeful about Laneway and watching KoC and seeing my indie geek soulmate Erlend again - while at the same time, dreading about potential thunderstorms and gross portable toilets and immense heat and hunger and freaking out over what to wear. I am also hopeful about watching Stars. I would be lying if I said I was hopeful about 2013 but perhaps it is with this mentality that 2013 will bring great things. We'll see.
But then today it struck me that I've sorta come to terms with where I am, and this probably stems from my conviction that God has a plan or a path for me, and that everything happens for a reason. I entered AC even though I was certain that I would end up in CJ like almost every other IJ girl. And it was there that I grew up, saw the world from new perspectives, fell in love with History which made me fall in love more deeply with Anthro - which doesn't make sense to any normal person perhaps, but the way I see it, History is so closely intertwined with Anthro and you can't separate the two and I don't know how you could love Anthro if you didn't have some interest in History in the first place. So in the same way that I believe that AC was good for me, I believe that NUS is a good place for me too even though I might not know it yet. Maybe, just maybe, albeit a very big maybe, I'm in NUS instead of some university in UK studying Anthro right now to fall in love with Southeast Asia and find greater things and greater places and greater people.
All this is coming from the realisation that I could re-apply for Yale-NUS but somehow don't really want to. Maybe it's the laziness in me that's rejecting a university application, I don't know. Maybe it stems from the rejection I received from the inaugural round of applications. Maybe it's because I've settled down in NUS, and while I haven't exactly "settled down" and figured out what to do or major in yet, I've gotten into the rhythm of NUS life and I've managed to do decently for my first ever uni exams. And while I don't exactly love NUS as of yet, I'm not sure that I'd love Yale-NUS either. Sure, I'd be able to finally freaking major in Anthro but I don't think I'd be comfortable taking part in intellectual debates with intellectual people I don't match up to. Of course, this is totally assuming I even get in which I probably don't stand a chance of given my lack of an interesting and holistic life led thus far. I think I will very much regret not re-applying to Yale-NUS later on in life, seeing how my secret desire has always been a liberal arts education. But for now I'm feeling icky about compulsory science courses and being stuck with Singaporean students whom I've spent my whole life wishing were fascinating hippie wannabes instead.
Anyway, although this post didn't start out to be a sad and whiny "I suck at life, life sucks" post, I hafta admit that I'm not quite exactly looking forward to the start of school next week. Whatever desire I had of university starting in July/August last year had quickly dissipated after 1st sem began because I wasn't in love with anything. Sure, I liked French and my Anthro module but I wasn't quite in love with them and everything else, for lack of a better word, sucked. Hopefully, hopefully, hopefully, I get great modules this sem (I highly suspect that Level 1000 modules are no-brainers and therefore greatly disappointed me last sem) and fall in love with something. Possibly, very possibly, Southeast Asian Studies. I will hope and pray that sem 2 will bring greater things. Already, there's a new bookstore and a Cedele and Sakae Sushi to look forward to amidst the start of school ennui.
I am also hopeful about Laneway and watching KoC and seeing my indie geek soulmate Erlend again - while at the same time, dreading about potential thunderstorms and gross portable toilets and immense heat and hunger and freaking out over what to wear. I am also hopeful about watching Stars. I would be lying if I said I was hopeful about 2013 but perhaps it is with this mentality that 2013 will bring great things. We'll see.
6:50 PM;
Sunday, January 06, 2013
What I would give to go back to Istanbul and relish at the sights of mosques with their enchanting Ottoman architectural style, visit the museums I never ever got to visit, walk through the Grand Bazaar and be amazed by the myriad of Turkish lamps (PS. I am still miffed that I didn't get to buy a djembe), pig out on Turkish food like Turkish ice cream and delicious Turkish crepes I never got the name of and Turkish street food.
What I would give to go back to Egypt, Cairo in particular but also Alexandria and Luxor again. Visit Sinai this time (shame that I never got to visit Sinai before all this political chaos that's ruining the wonderful country that is Egypt), actually go inside the Giza pyramids this time (pretty sure that the Giza pyramids are very much like all other pyramids but I don't wanna just stare at a UNESCO world heritage site from outside, on a camel's hump), spend two whole days at the National Museum, re-visit all the amazing amazing temples and ancient ruins and marvel at the complexity of hieroglyphs, watch the infinite stars overflow in the desert nightsky, visit a Coptic church for once in my life.
What I would give to visit Greece and be awed by archaeological ruins and ancient temples, in all their former glory. What I would give to visit London and Paris and Rome and Venice and Barcelona and Prague. What I would give to visit Morocco and Jordan and Tunisia and Israel and South Africa. What I would give to visit San Francisco and New York City and Brooklyn and Boston and Louisiana and the Caribbean islands. What I would give to visit Vietnam and Myanmar and Cambodia and Bali and Java and New Delhi and Rajasthan and Uttar Pradesh.
What I would give to watch The Beatles and Oasis and Bon Iver and The Killers and Radiohead and Arcade Fire and The National and Beach House and Damien Rice and Foals live. (Also Stars but this will very soon be fulfilled :))
I would also very much like to re-watch Kings of Convenience (but this is gonna happen in exactly 20 days time) and Snow Patrol. Maybe Passion Pit and Broken Social Scene and Belle and Sebastian and Death Cab if it were indoors and more intimate.
I would also very much like to go back to Hawaii (because a seven-year-old girl couldn't have taken in and absorbed everything about a lovely place like Hawaii very well) and Hong Kong (ahmagaz food!) and Bangkok (ahmagaz food! And Chatuchak). Maybe Bangalore if only for the wonderful friends I made at Cluny Convent. Maybe Vienna if only for the cafes and food. Oh and I would like to go back to Salzburg too because I went there alone on a cold and rainy day in a limited time of 4 hours and I was miserable and couldn't explore much.
What I would give to visit all these new indie cafes in Singapore. What I would give... for money, for music, for food, for travel. What I would give to study and study and study. Anthropology and archaeology and history and Southeast Asian Studies and European Studies and African Studies and Religious Studies and Philosophy and Literature and Art History. What I would give for time to read, to listen to music. What I would give for money, really. To buy clothes and shoes, to buy food, to buy music and books and an education and traveling. To do odd jobs like an anthropologist, a travel writer/tv producer, a museum curator, a historian, an archaeologist, a book store owner, a music store owner - while not having to give a damn about money and taxes and housing and daily living.
What I would give to find my soulmate and the love of my life, my Prince Charming, my Seth Cohen/Tom Hansen, my indie geek. What I would give to be happy and unbroken. And I guess, most importantly, what I would give to be 5 and a kid/little girl again.
What I would give to go back to Egypt, Cairo in particular but also Alexandria and Luxor again. Visit Sinai this time (shame that I never got to visit Sinai before all this political chaos that's ruining the wonderful country that is Egypt), actually go inside the Giza pyramids this time (pretty sure that the Giza pyramids are very much like all other pyramids but I don't wanna just stare at a UNESCO world heritage site from outside, on a camel's hump), spend two whole days at the National Museum, re-visit all the amazing amazing temples and ancient ruins and marvel at the complexity of hieroglyphs, watch the infinite stars overflow in the desert nightsky, visit a Coptic church for once in my life.
What I would give to visit Greece and be awed by archaeological ruins and ancient temples, in all their former glory. What I would give to visit London and Paris and Rome and Venice and Barcelona and Prague. What I would give to visit Morocco and Jordan and Tunisia and Israel and South Africa. What I would give to visit San Francisco and New York City and Brooklyn and Boston and Louisiana and the Caribbean islands. What I would give to visit Vietnam and Myanmar and Cambodia and Bali and Java and New Delhi and Rajasthan and Uttar Pradesh.
What I would give to watch The Beatles and Oasis and Bon Iver and The Killers and Radiohead and Arcade Fire and The National and Beach House and Damien Rice and Foals live. (Also Stars but this will very soon be fulfilled :))
I would also very much like to re-watch Kings of Convenience (but this is gonna happen in exactly 20 days time) and Snow Patrol. Maybe Passion Pit and Broken Social Scene and Belle and Sebastian and Death Cab if it were indoors and more intimate.
I would also very much like to go back to Hawaii (because a seven-year-old girl couldn't have taken in and absorbed everything about a lovely place like Hawaii very well) and Hong Kong (ahmagaz food!) and Bangkok (ahmagaz food! And Chatuchak). Maybe Bangalore if only for the wonderful friends I made at Cluny Convent. Maybe Vienna if only for the cafes and food. Oh and I would like to go back to Salzburg too because I went there alone on a cold and rainy day in a limited time of 4 hours and I was miserable and couldn't explore much.
What I would give to visit all these new indie cafes in Singapore. What I would give... for money, for music, for food, for travel. What I would give to study and study and study. Anthropology and archaeology and history and Southeast Asian Studies and European Studies and African Studies and Religious Studies and Philosophy and Literature and Art History. What I would give for time to read, to listen to music. What I would give for money, really. To buy clothes and shoes, to buy food, to buy music and books and an education and traveling. To do odd jobs like an anthropologist, a travel writer/tv producer, a museum curator, a historian, an archaeologist, a book store owner, a music store owner - while not having to give a damn about money and taxes and housing and daily living.
What I would give to find my soulmate and the love of my life, my Prince Charming, my Seth Cohen/Tom Hansen, my indie geek. What I would give to be happy and unbroken. And I guess, most importantly, what I would give to be 5 and a kid/little girl again.
1:07 AM;
Thursday, January 03, 2013
So 2012 is over and 2013 is here. Geez, talk about how much time flies. 2012 went by as quickly as you can spell "q-u-i-c-k-l-y". I guess a lot of it had to do with how much time I spent bumming. Seriously, bumming around for 8 months is no joke. As much as I liked bumming and being free (free to use the computer or watch my tv shows as much as I wanted, free to go wherever I wanted like explore Chinatown/Tanjong Pagar/Tiong Bahru, free to go shopping), I guess I also retreated into my own world and into my own head, where I let time fly by in a blur or in a place where time meant nothing. I was aimless, I was bored, and it's sad but I kinda hafta admit that that was how 2012 went.
That said, I am thankful for 2012 in so many ways. 2012 was my adventure year and also my idealistic year. Because I was free to travel and explore Singapore. Alone, with family, with friends. Vienna, where I explored and roamed the streets of a foreign place with a foreign language alone. Which I absolutely loved because Europe is so gorgeous and everything was so new and lovely and I needed to explore the place on my own to fully marvel at everything. And then there was Turkey with the family, which was another great adventure to my wonderland of archaeological sites and rich culture and history (Hagia Sophia and the Blue Mosque and Cappadocia ahmagaz). And then Hong Kong with Joyce which admittedly wasn't as enjoyable as it could have been because Macau took up a lot of time; but still, there's nothing more I enjoy than a holiday to another land.
2012 also churned out good surprises. Like my A Level results and the results of my 1st semester in uni (4.4 CAP + A+ French hell yes!). Like finding God in my life again. Like Death Cab and Rachael Yamagata and Snow Patrol (who'da thought they'd finally come down!) and Passion Pit. Yeah, those are real good things I'm thankful for from 2012 despite many other disappointments like... not being to go to UK for my Anthro. Or choosing to bum around and become a social recluse instead of going out to find work and make new friends.
But now 2013's here and I'm gonna get sucked back into a full year of school, bleagh. As much as I like learning new things, I'm not a fan of waking up early and rushing out assignments or mugging for exams while competing for not just good grades but also places to study (Um, where did all these people study before Utown even existed?!). Also I hate that there are restrictions on what modules we can take and having to bid and then not necessarily being able to get the modules you want. That's cruel, everyone pays for their education so why can't we learn the things we wanna learn instead of having to maintain "faculty requirements"? But despite the downside to school, I also have great ambitions for 2013 like immersions to France and special term for SEA modules with fieldtrips.
Ah, traveling, the love of my life. I don't think 2013 will be as great a year of travel as 2012 was but hello 2013 :-) I am ready for new travels, new good, new music, new movies and tv shows and great food. I guess if there's anothing thing I've realised in 2012, it would be that I'm a FOODIE. Even though I might not be good at it. But as a friend once said, "Ariel's the fussiest person I know with food" teehee.
That said, I am thankful for 2012 in so many ways. 2012 was my adventure year and also my idealistic year. Because I was free to travel and explore Singapore. Alone, with family, with friends. Vienna, where I explored and roamed the streets of a foreign place with a foreign language alone. Which I absolutely loved because Europe is so gorgeous and everything was so new and lovely and I needed to explore the place on my own to fully marvel at everything. And then there was Turkey with the family, which was another great adventure to my wonderland of archaeological sites and rich culture and history (Hagia Sophia and the Blue Mosque and Cappadocia ahmagaz). And then Hong Kong with Joyce which admittedly wasn't as enjoyable as it could have been because Macau took up a lot of time; but still, there's nothing more I enjoy than a holiday to another land.
2012 also churned out good surprises. Like my A Level results and the results of my 1st semester in uni (4.4 CAP + A+ French hell yes!). Like finding God in my life again. Like Death Cab and Rachael Yamagata and Snow Patrol (who'da thought they'd finally come down!) and Passion Pit. Yeah, those are real good things I'm thankful for from 2012 despite many other disappointments like... not being to go to UK for my Anthro. Or choosing to bum around and become a social recluse instead of going out to find work and make new friends.
But now 2013's here and I'm gonna get sucked back into a full year of school, bleagh. As much as I like learning new things, I'm not a fan of waking up early and rushing out assignments or mugging for exams while competing for not just good grades but also places to study (Um, where did all these people study before Utown even existed?!). Also I hate that there are restrictions on what modules we can take and having to bid and then not necessarily being able to get the modules you want. That's cruel, everyone pays for their education so why can't we learn the things we wanna learn instead of having to maintain "faculty requirements"? But despite the downside to school, I also have great ambitions for 2013 like immersions to France and special term for SEA modules with fieldtrips.
Ah, traveling, the love of my life. I don't think 2013 will be as great a year of travel as 2012 was but hello 2013 :-) I am ready for new travels, new good, new music, new movies and tv shows and great food. I guess if there's anothing thing I've realised in 2012, it would be that I'm a FOODIE. Even though I might not be good at it. But as a friend once said, "Ariel's the fussiest person I know with food" teehee.
6:29 PM;
Saturday, December 22, 2012
I've had every mind to delete this blog because for the life of me, I can't figure out how to work with blogger's new templates and I don't have the time to figure that out, and so my blog has been shit-ass ugly, left with the same template I've been using since secondary school. But I've had this blog since P5 and the sentimental me can't bear to delete this even though I haven't been blogging for the longest time. And tonight is one of those nights where I just need to type everything out - proving that I need this blog to stay with me for life.
So my sister has given birth again, hello to my new baby nephew Caius who was born today, 4 weeks earlier than his due date. Also hello to Stars who are playing in Singapore on the 19th of Feb ahmagaz I am so excited to finally watch them even though I'm not that big a fan of their later 2 albums which they'll probably play more material from at their concert. Also hello to Kings of Convenience again aaaahhhh Erlend Øye my soulmate :-) Who are playing at Laneway next year together with a bunch of other acts I don't really care about. But I've always known that KoC was one band I HAD to watch live again, so sue me if I'm some poser who's only going to Laneway for one act.
Completed my 1st semester at uni, which has been one heck of a semester. So many things to say about school but I'm struggling for the right words to say while being concise. Suffice to say, my anthropology module was hands down the best module ever and my anthro prof was hands down the best prof ever (in terms of personality and quirkiness, though not so much in terms of teaching, because I totally dig anthro people and their indie-ness like how he plays Talking Heads during lectures and wears batik shirts to every lecture and most importantly because he submitted his race as "angmoh" while sending in his vote for Obama to the state of Colorado). French lessons have also been -merveilleuse- because they're really fun and have proven to be my best subject in school so far. My other 3 modules were really really meh, the soci and history exposure modules have proven to be disappointing and I'm not drawn to major in either one of them. What I'm really drawn to major in right now, is SEA but I haven't even taken the expo mod for SEA yet so we'll see how that goes. Not to mention that majoring in SEA totally screws up my exchange in Europe plans but everything in my gut and most importantly, my heart, are all working together to tell me that I need to major in SEA so fingers crossed that this is God's plan for me.
Last week I went for a 4-day CSS retreat where I managed to find peace like I haven't felt in 3 years. Recon was good (I haven't had a recon for 3 years :O), being prayed over by a prayer team was simply amazeballs. They knew the right things to say, the right words to describe my brokenness without me having to tell them anything. Which made me cry while at the same time feeling immense peace and I haven't figured out how that was possible but I guess anything is possible with God. And I've realised that if there's one word to describe my life, it would be peace. It feels like everything in my life is associated with peace even though I'm generally not a peaceful person. Like how my ambition is to be a hippie and bring world peace, like how I was described as a "peaceseeker" during the personality test we had in sec 4, like how of all things I ended up being the facil for group "Peace" during the short time I was a junior cat., like how I always feel peace during spiritual moments (like after recons and after being praying over while other people get slained or burst into Tongues or get visions), like how I generally need peace in my life. I feel like my identity as a person is beginning to take shape, and I'm starting to see who I am. As a whole person, not bits and pieces of what I'm like. If that makes sense.
Anyhoos, I normally do a end-of-the-year post and maybe I'll do one at the end of this year. But this year has been majorly insignificant in the sense that I bummed around for half of the year and didn't do anything. Also this year flew by really quickly and it's all a blur to me so maybe I'd break my tradition of end-of-the-year posts, we'll see. Amazingly, I also don't really have that much of a Christmas wishlist this year. I feel like the older I get, my needs are less materialistic and more idealistic. Like, being able to travel, explore and see the world, and being able to major in anthropology, and attending a university in UK... Okay maybe they're still materialistic because they require tons of money, but tons of money which isn't possible and therefore unachievable "items" for a Christmas wishlist. Maybe the whole point is that I get older, my needs become more expensive and therefore not Christmas wishlist material. Like how I totally need a new ipod or how I still want my expensive Cambridge satchel. And many other things that I myself or no one around me really, are able to afford. Okay I'm rambling goodbye. Merry Christmas, to whoever still reads this space and also HOOOZAH because we've gone past the Mayan apocalypse/doomsday.
Edit: Gossip Girl has actually ended, meaning that 5 years of my teenage life have ended with just that one episode. Damn, I feel really old I can't believe Gossip Girl came out in sec 2 and I've kept up with it every week from sec 2 - uni year 1 ahmagaz. Goodbye GG, I'll miss your music (um hello they totally need more than 1 GG soundtrack), I'll miss Leighton Meester and Chace Crawford (eyecandy) and Dan Humphrey (who turned out to be Gossip Girl major wtf) and Rufus-Lily and pop culture references and Josh Schwartz's amazing work. The day of GG season finale, I also happened to watch the season finale of OC omg, which basically made up my early adolescent years and which I will forever love and miss. Seth Cohen and Summer Roberts I will miss you and I will forever be sad that Adam Brody and Rachel Bilson are no longer together in real life. Also good indie music and pop culture references, both of which own that of Gossip Girl's. Also Sandy-Kirsten and Seth-Summer and can I say Seth Cohen and Summer Roberts again.
So my sister has given birth again, hello to my new baby nephew Caius who was born today, 4 weeks earlier than his due date. Also hello to Stars who are playing in Singapore on the 19th of Feb ahmagaz I am so excited to finally watch them even though I'm not that big a fan of their later 2 albums which they'll probably play more material from at their concert. Also hello to Kings of Convenience again aaaahhhh Erlend Øye my soulmate :-) Who are playing at Laneway next year together with a bunch of other acts I don't really care about. But I've always known that KoC was one band I HAD to watch live again, so sue me if I'm some poser who's only going to Laneway for one act.
Completed my 1st semester at uni, which has been one heck of a semester. So many things to say about school but I'm struggling for the right words to say while being concise. Suffice to say, my anthropology module was hands down the best module ever and my anthro prof was hands down the best prof ever (in terms of personality and quirkiness, though not so much in terms of teaching, because I totally dig anthro people and their indie-ness like how he plays Talking Heads during lectures and wears batik shirts to every lecture and most importantly because he submitted his race as "angmoh" while sending in his vote for Obama to the state of Colorado). French lessons have also been -merveilleuse- because they're really fun and have proven to be my best subject in school so far. My other 3 modules were really really meh, the soci and history exposure modules have proven to be disappointing and I'm not drawn to major in either one of them. What I'm really drawn to major in right now, is SEA but I haven't even taken the expo mod for SEA yet so we'll see how that goes. Not to mention that majoring in SEA totally screws up my exchange in Europe plans but everything in my gut and most importantly, my heart, are all working together to tell me that I need to major in SEA so fingers crossed that this is God's plan for me.
Last week I went for a 4-day CSS retreat where I managed to find peace like I haven't felt in 3 years. Recon was good (I haven't had a recon for 3 years :O), being prayed over by a prayer team was simply amazeballs. They knew the right things to say, the right words to describe my brokenness without me having to tell them anything. Which made me cry while at the same time feeling immense peace and I haven't figured out how that was possible but I guess anything is possible with God. And I've realised that if there's one word to describe my life, it would be peace. It feels like everything in my life is associated with peace even though I'm generally not a peaceful person. Like how my ambition is to be a hippie and bring world peace, like how I was described as a "peaceseeker" during the personality test we had in sec 4, like how of all things I ended up being the facil for group "Peace" during the short time I was a junior cat., like how I always feel peace during spiritual moments (like after recons and after being praying over while other people get slained or burst into Tongues or get visions), like how I generally need peace in my life. I feel like my identity as a person is beginning to take shape, and I'm starting to see who I am. As a whole person, not bits and pieces of what I'm like. If that makes sense.
Anyhoos, I normally do a end-of-the-year post and maybe I'll do one at the end of this year. But this year has been majorly insignificant in the sense that I bummed around for half of the year and didn't do anything. Also this year flew by really quickly and it's all a blur to me so maybe I'd break my tradition of end-of-the-year posts, we'll see. Amazingly, I also don't really have that much of a Christmas wishlist this year. I feel like the older I get, my needs are less materialistic and more idealistic. Like, being able to travel, explore and see the world, and being able to major in anthropology, and attending a university in UK... Okay maybe they're still materialistic because they require tons of money, but tons of money which isn't possible and therefore unachievable "items" for a Christmas wishlist. Maybe the whole point is that I get older, my needs become more expensive and therefore not Christmas wishlist material. Like how I totally need a new ipod or how I still want my expensive Cambridge satchel. And many other things that I myself or no one around me really, are able to afford. Okay I'm rambling goodbye. Merry Christmas, to whoever still reads this space and also HOOOZAH because we've gone past the Mayan apocalypse/doomsday.
Edit: Gossip Girl has actually ended, meaning that 5 years of my teenage life have ended with just that one episode. Damn, I feel really old I can't believe Gossip Girl came out in sec 2 and I've kept up with it every week from sec 2 - uni year 1 ahmagaz. Goodbye GG, I'll miss your music (um hello they totally need more than 1 GG soundtrack), I'll miss Leighton Meester and Chace Crawford (eyecandy) and Dan Humphrey (who turned out to be Gossip Girl major wtf) and Rufus-Lily and pop culture references and Josh Schwartz's amazing work. The day of GG season finale, I also happened to watch the season finale of OC omg, which basically made up my early adolescent years and which I will forever love and miss. Seth Cohen and Summer Roberts I will miss you and I will forever be sad that Adam Brody and Rachel Bilson are no longer together in real life. Also good indie music and pop culture references, both of which own that of Gossip Girl's. Also Sandy-Kirsten and Seth-Summer and can I say Seth Cohen and Summer Roberts again.
11:08 PM;
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
In the midst of catching up on my readings that I'm falling way behind on, I've decided to do an obligatory blog post on the start of my uni life. School's been good so far. I've managed to get the modules I wanted, the tutorial slots I wanted. I'm happy at school because I'm doing the classes I wanna do, learning the stuff I wanna learn. I think. I don't know. It's only halfway through the 2nd week of lectures which technically means the 1st week of lectures because last week was purely lame-ass introduction to the modules. But school feels good so far, school feels right. I'm especially psyched about the Intro to World Religions class, but class participation for that scares the crap out of me so we'll see. The Intro to Anthro which is actually a level-2000 soci module sounds like my thing but I don't think it actually is because I don't really get to learn about different peoples and ethnographies but we'll see about that too. Intro to Soci has been really really shitty so far and it puts me off majoring in Soci altogether even though that's the only way I'll get to do Anthro modules :/ Intro to History's been okay because while I do get to learn about SEA, God knows I absolutely hate East Asia. And French has been daunting, the stuff I learnt in primary school doesn't even come close to what we did during the 1st French lesson :/ So yeah those are my 5 classes and tutorials start next week which leave me kinda screwed because I'm already falling behind on my readings and can't fall back into the rhythm of concentrating on my readings after not being in school for almost a year. Omg on a sidenote, the J2s just started prelims and wtf I can't believe I went through them a year ago!!!! Feels like just yesterday that I was still studying for the A Levels, good grief. Times flies, I'm old, I can't believe I've struggled through As and got through them safe and sound.
But anyway, aside from classes and academic matters, school has been good because I feel infinite when I'm in school. I still worry about the social aspects of school, not making any friends, not having anyone to hang out with, not having anyone to lunch with WHICH OMG IS THE WORST THING EVER. But I've been okay with having breaks alone or walking around alone to get to classes or even going for classes alone (which doesn't quite count as being alone because I did get to make friends during lectures). I guess my point is that I like the anonymity and freedom, when I'm walking around in school all alone or spending my breaks at the benches to read my favourite Anthro/Religion textbooks. School's been scary at times but overall I feel happy being at school. Although the thought of doing well is some daunting shit I try not to think about.
Another thing that I felt good about in school was CSS. But all I went for is the welcome tea so I don't really know where this will go but hopefully all goes well. Also, I am currently blogging on my new macbook pro which I got a loan for from school. Which means that I haven't paid for this and I will owe the bank quite a lot of money after I graduate. Which is another reason I don't ever wanna leave school. But we'll talk about the future another time. I've ordered a kanken bag to bring to school after weeks of camping out at the kanken website for this particular laptop bag to be restocked. It'll cost me a motherfreaking bomb but! Considering how long I've taken to try and save up for my Cambridge satchel, which still remains fruitless, the Kanken is definitely more worth it compared to the Cambridge satchel which I still lust for.
On to the most exciting thing that happened in the past 2 weeks: PASSION PIT CONCERT!!!! With Court. OMFG THEY WERE SO BLOODY BRILLIANT AND I DIDN'T EXPECT THEM TO BE SO GOOD. For a while I was kinda regretting buying tickets for them because when I bought them I didn't know Snow Patrol was coming too. But omg Passion Pit was one of the best concerts I've ever attended! So glad I went for them and I got reminded of why I fell in love with them in sec 4 in the first place. And the sound of their albums don't even match up to the sound of them live. They were so freaking amazeballs!!!! Michael Angelakos is amazing, he's now on the list of my favourite lead singers/frontmen. HE IS SO GOOD plus he reminds me of Seth Cohen which is always a plus. The indie geekiness and eccentric-ness and his hair! I mean omg what, my impression of him was always like this Seth Rogen fratboy type who had a screechy voice but he turned out to be Seth Cohen-ish and kinda hot and his voice wasn't at all screechy but amazing! :O Now I feel really really sad that he has bipolar but I guess good musicians always have shit in their lives eg. Kurt Cobain. But the band was good live, really, they're all indie geeks so immersed in their music - which I'm always a fan of. And the sounds were so good, I swear Esplanade makes everything sound better and is the best place for concerts in Singapore! And I was really really happy because they played everything I wanted to hear like TO KINGDOM COME which has always been my favourite Passion Pit song and the first song I ever heard from them and made me fall in love with them. And Moth's Wings and Little Secrets and The Reeling and Sleepyhead and Constant Conversations (which is hands down the best song off Gossamer!) and It's Not My Fault, I'm Happy! The concert actually turned out to be only a little after an hour and quite short but considering that they played all the songs I wanted to hear + my favourite song from the band! :O Which is really quite rare for me eg. how Snow Patrol didn't play How To Be Dead, how Rachael Yamagata didn't play Quiet. This was the first time I danced so much at a concert wow I think I can go clubbing at Poptart next.
Okay peace out, I should get back to my readings. Seriously seriously hoping I'll settle into uni life soon and that this will be really good for me, in my life.
But anyway, aside from classes and academic matters, school has been good because I feel infinite when I'm in school. I still worry about the social aspects of school, not making any friends, not having anyone to hang out with, not having anyone to lunch with WHICH OMG IS THE WORST THING EVER. But I've been okay with having breaks alone or walking around alone to get to classes or even going for classes alone (which doesn't quite count as being alone because I did get to make friends during lectures). I guess my point is that I like the anonymity and freedom, when I'm walking around in school all alone or spending my breaks at the benches to read my favourite Anthro/Religion textbooks. School's been scary at times but overall I feel happy being at school. Although the thought of doing well is some daunting shit I try not to think about.
Another thing that I felt good about in school was CSS. But all I went for is the welcome tea so I don't really know where this will go but hopefully all goes well. Also, I am currently blogging on my new macbook pro which I got a loan for from school. Which means that I haven't paid for this and I will owe the bank quite a lot of money after I graduate. Which is another reason I don't ever wanna leave school. But we'll talk about the future another time. I've ordered a kanken bag to bring to school after weeks of camping out at the kanken website for this particular laptop bag to be restocked. It'll cost me a motherfreaking bomb but! Considering how long I've taken to try and save up for my Cambridge satchel, which still remains fruitless, the Kanken is definitely more worth it compared to the Cambridge satchel which I still lust for.
On to the most exciting thing that happened in the past 2 weeks: PASSION PIT CONCERT!!!! With Court. OMFG THEY WERE SO BLOODY BRILLIANT AND I DIDN'T EXPECT THEM TO BE SO GOOD. For a while I was kinda regretting buying tickets for them because when I bought them I didn't know Snow Patrol was coming too. But omg Passion Pit was one of the best concerts I've ever attended! So glad I went for them and I got reminded of why I fell in love with them in sec 4 in the first place. And the sound of their albums don't even match up to the sound of them live. They were so freaking amazeballs!!!! Michael Angelakos is amazing, he's now on the list of my favourite lead singers/frontmen. HE IS SO GOOD plus he reminds me of Seth Cohen which is always a plus. The indie geekiness and eccentric-ness and his hair! I mean omg what, my impression of him was always like this Seth Rogen fratboy type who had a screechy voice but he turned out to be Seth Cohen-ish and kinda hot and his voice wasn't at all screechy but amazing! :O Now I feel really really sad that he has bipolar but I guess good musicians always have shit in their lives eg. Kurt Cobain. But the band was good live, really, they're all indie geeks so immersed in their music - which I'm always a fan of. And the sounds were so good, I swear Esplanade makes everything sound better and is the best place for concerts in Singapore! And I was really really happy because they played everything I wanted to hear like TO KINGDOM COME which has always been my favourite Passion Pit song and the first song I ever heard from them and made me fall in love with them. And Moth's Wings and Little Secrets and The Reeling and Sleepyhead and Constant Conversations (which is hands down the best song off Gossamer!) and It's Not My Fault, I'm Happy! The concert actually turned out to be only a little after an hour and quite short but considering that they played all the songs I wanted to hear + my favourite song from the band! :O Which is really quite rare for me eg. how Snow Patrol didn't play How To Be Dead, how Rachael Yamagata didn't play Quiet. This was the first time I danced so much at a concert wow I think I can go clubbing at Poptart next.
Okay peace out, I should get back to my readings. Seriously seriously hoping I'll settle into uni life soon and that this will be really good for me, in my life.
8:16 PM;
Tuesday, August 07, 2012
I JUST WATCHED SNOW PATROL LIVE AND OMG THEY WERE FUCKING AMAZEBALLS!!!!!! Seriously, I've spent my entire adolescence waiting to watch this one band live and they gave me the best concert of my entire life. Omg 6 years I have waited to watch them live and my stitches hurt like fuck right now BUT IT'S SO FREAKING WORTH IT. Gary Lightbody was pure amazeballs, and the whole band was so good! They had this whole graphic thing going on as their backdrop and it was actually pretty cool, and their music was really really good live. The sound system was way better than Death Cab's and I don't think I've ever rocked out so much to the music at a concert before, despite struggling with my stitches. Gary Lightbody is really really good live, like with his energy level and stage performance. I have never seen a man felt so much about his own music before. Maybe Eirik and Erland of Kings of Convenience, but their emotions were more subdued on stage whereas Gary Lightbody just gives off this whole energy and passion like I've never seen before. And from all the concert videos I've seen of Snow Patrol over these years, I expected this from Gary Lightbody (also his typical plain white shirt) and he didn't disappoint at all despite my huge expectations (which normally end up disappointing me). Also Gary Lightbody's British wit and Irish accent aaaaahhhh! He will always be a musican/singer/lyricist I greatly respect :') Best fucking concert ever, I swear. Even though they didn't play Reindeer Section stuff or How To Be Dead which is one of my favourite songs ever and one song I always wanted to hear live before I die. But omg they played Chocolate!!!! Which was close enough. You know when you've spent your entire life preparing to watch this one band live, and suddenly you're about to watch this band for real and you're suddenly unprepared and not expecting anything at all out of this band. That's what I felt before the concert then BAM! The amazingballness of Snow Patrol and Gary Lightbody hit me square in the face unlike anything else before. It didn't matter that a lot of the concert was new songs that I wasn't that psyched about. Because their music is just too fucking amazing. Here's the setlist; I expect this post-concert blues will last for days.
1. Berlin (remix)
2. Hands Open (!!!!! I was so stoked when the band came on and launched into this because it's one of my oldest favourite songs from them and I think this is seriously the best Snow Patrol song to pump me up for the concert heh)
3. Take Back The City
4. Crack The Shutters
5. This Isn't Everything You Are
6. Run (!!!!!!! I melted when Gary Lightbody sang Have heart my dear, we're bound to be afraid)
7. In The End
8. New York
9. Set The Fire To The Third Bar
10. Make This Go On Forever
11. Shut Your Eyes
12. Chasing Cars (!!!!!! As overplayed as this song is, this was the first song I heard from the band and made me fall in love with them in sec 1 so <3)
13. Chocolate (!!!!!!! Literally squealed when the beginning of this song came on, I am unashamed)
14. Called Out In The Dark
15. Fallen Empires
16. Open Your Eyes
17. You're All I Have (!!!!!!)
18. Lifening
19. Just Say Yes
After today, I have no more expectations for Passion Pit. Nothing else can beat watching the band you've waited for longer than any other band. Nothing else can beat hearing the songs you've spent all your adolescent years listening to, growing up to. When you've reverently followed a band for so long, keeping up with all their new material throughout the years, felt every emotion of every song at different stages of your adolescent life, there's no better experience than hearing them live and being able to feel the emotions of all these songs together with the Fort Canning crowd and the real life emotions and passion that Gary Lightbody sang with. I think the reason why the concert was the best ever for me (which okay, isn't much since I only have 8 other concerts to compare it to but I seriously think this will be the best concert ever in my life) wasn't just because Snow Patrol was fucking good but because I could literally sing my heart out and rock out to every song with every fibre of my being and feel every emotion of the songs, the same emotions that I've been feeling all these years listening to Snow Patrol as they stood by the ups and downs of my teenage years. Snow Patrol has been with me for so long, I think they'll be my favourite band always despite what I may say about other bands like Death Cab and Bon Iver which came into my life much later than Snow Patrol. No 1. Snow Patrol fan always :')
1. Berlin (remix)
2. Hands Open (!!!!! I was so stoked when the band came on and launched into this because it's one of my oldest favourite songs from them and I think this is seriously the best Snow Patrol song to pump me up for the concert heh)
3. Take Back The City
4. Crack The Shutters
5. This Isn't Everything You Are
6. Run (!!!!!!! I melted when Gary Lightbody sang Have heart my dear, we're bound to be afraid)
7. In The End
8. New York
9. Set The Fire To The Third Bar
10. Make This Go On Forever
11. Shut Your Eyes
12. Chasing Cars (!!!!!! As overplayed as this song is, this was the first song I heard from the band and made me fall in love with them in sec 1 so <3)
13. Chocolate (!!!!!!! Literally squealed when the beginning of this song came on, I am unashamed)
14. Called Out In The Dark
15. Fallen Empires
16. Open Your Eyes
17. You're All I Have (!!!!!!)
18. Lifening
19. Just Say Yes
After today, I have no more expectations for Passion Pit. Nothing else can beat watching the band you've waited for longer than any other band. Nothing else can beat hearing the songs you've spent all your adolescent years listening to, growing up to. When you've reverently followed a band for so long, keeping up with all their new material throughout the years, felt every emotion of every song at different stages of your adolescent life, there's no better experience than hearing them live and being able to feel the emotions of all these songs together with the Fort Canning crowd and the real life emotions and passion that Gary Lightbody sang with. I think the reason why the concert was the best ever for me (which okay, isn't much since I only have 8 other concerts to compare it to but I seriously think this will be the best concert ever in my life) wasn't just because Snow Patrol was fucking good but because I could literally sing my heart out and rock out to every song with every fibre of my being and feel every emotion of the songs, the same emotions that I've been feeling all these years listening to Snow Patrol as they stood by the ups and downs of my teenage years. Snow Patrol has been with me for so long, I think they'll be my favourite band always despite what I may say about other bands like Death Cab and Bon Iver which came into my life much later than Snow Patrol. No 1. Snow Patrol fan always :')
1:21 AM;